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Not My Fault

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Parents make the rules. Kids break the rules. Only, sometimes, parents don't enforce the rules society expects them to enforce. And kids, sometimes, break rules for reasons that only make sense to them.

Author / translator Deborah Moore

Parents make the rules. Kids break the rules. Only, sometimes, parents don't enforce the rules society expects them to enforce. And kids, sometimes, break rules for reasons that only make sense to them. Kids cannot drive until they are 16; they can't vote until they are 18, and they cannot drink until they are 21. But what do we do when these boundaries are crossed? And who is responsible?

Created 7 February 2024
Last edited 9 February 2024
Topics Culture

Policy positions

Policy position 1

Parents are ultimately responsible for the criminal actions of their children. Until kids are grown enough to go out on their own, the adults (parents) in the family are the ones who make the rules and ensure that their children follow them. Period.

Policy position 2

Most parents do the best they can. Most kids listen to their parents. But there are some who rebel and--no matter the punishment--they never learn. The parents of this type of kid should not be held responsible. What are they supposed to do?

Policy position 3

By the time you are two years old, you know the difference between right and wrong. We--each of us--is completely responsible for our actions and each of us--no matter the age--should pay the price for our criminal actions.

Policy position 4

Kids who break the law make me ask "Why?" What is going on in their lives that makes them choose to take a gun to school or steal a car or break some other law? Are they looking for attention? Are they suffering from a mental illness? I think there is always a reason for their behavior and we have to consider it when we decide to hold kids accountable.

Story cards

Story card - no image

I'm a science teacher at Oxford High School. I've known of Ethan for a couple of years, but just this year have had him in my class. He is a really quiet kid. not such a great student, but he passes. Lately I have noticed that he is more withdrawn; spends more time drawing. He doesn't really interact with his classmates which makes them think he is weird. I am the one who saw the gun drawing on his worksheet and reported it to the principal. I'm not sure it's as big a deal as they are making it out to be. Kids this age tend to draw some pretty gruesome stuff. But--in this day and age--you don't take anything for granted. I feel guilty for not seeing that Ethan was struggling. I wish I had noticed before he decided to do something so drastic. I think it was a cry for help.

teacher
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I am Ethan's mom. I couldn't believe it when the school called me to tell me what he had done. Sure, they called us up to the school earlier to discuss some drawings Ethan was supposed to have done, but . . . drawings? Come on. All boys do that. And yes, Ethan and I both enjoy guns. We go to the shooting range regularly. We are a close family. Ethan talks to his dad and me all the time. We hid after Ethan was arrested because we knew the police would blame us for what happened. There is no way I should be held accountable for his actions.

parent of shooter
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I am Tara's dad. I dropped her off at school in the morning and expected to pick her up after school. Instead, I am taking her body to the funeral home. I am angry. I am furious. At everyone--Ethan, his parents, the school, the police. How could this happen? How could a 15 year old with mental health problems get his hands on a gun, bring it to school, and get away with the carnage he committed? Where was the supervision? Why didn't his parents know? And now they want to try him as a juvenile? No way. He killed four people. He knew what he was doing. He should be tried as an adult.

parent of victim
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My name is Dr. Oakley. I am the school psychologist at Oxford High School. I've known Ethan since his freshman year. I have seen him change from someone who has occasional bad days to a kid who is now clinically depressed. I believe his behavior has led to some instances of bullying recently. He has other mental health issues and has mentioned hearing voices and sometimes seeing things. I have spoken to his parents about this during several meetings that we have had. I have encouraged them to take Ethan to see a psychiatrist who might be able to prescribe medications to help Ethan cope better. I do not think they have followed through yet. I am limited in what I can share about Ethan with his teachers so I and his counselor are his only lines of support.

school psychologist
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I am Ethan. I am angry. I hate my life. I hate this school. People make fun of me. I don't have any friends. I have tried telling my parents about the voices, but they don't listen. I just want someone to listen.

shooter
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My name is Aiden. I am a student at Oxford High School. I have known Ethan since elementary school. He and I used to be friends. Once we got to high school, we didn't have that many classes together and we kind of drifted apart. I couldn't believe that a school shooting would ever happen at my school. I knew two of the kids who were killed. I was shocked when I found out that Ethan was the shooter. I never expected that of him.

classmate
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My child attends Oxford High School. When I heard about the shooting, I honestly thought that my kid could have been involved. I am a single mom. I work two jobs and I am not home as often as I wish I could be. My son, John, spends a lot of time on his own or with the guys in the neighborhood who, honestly, are not the best influence. John has gotten into his share of trouble. The principal has suspended him a few times--once for fighting and once for vandalism. The police have been to my house, too. I don't know what I can do to help John. I have to work.

parent
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Kids are out of control. Every day I get called to someone's house because their teen ager has run away or broken curfew or spray-painted a building. Sometimes I have to handle worse situations involving drugs or guns. Why can't parents handle their children? Raise them properly? Teach them right from wrong? This Ethan kid? Why in the world would his parents buy him a gun? He's fifteen years old, for Pete's sake. And to text "Just don't get caught." What was she thinking? All I know is that this is no way to raise a child.

police officer

INFO CARDSISSUE CARDS

lack of supervision

Chicago-area Latinx mother Natasha Felix's case also made national news when she was cited for neglect for allowing her 5-, 9-, and 11-year-old children to play in the park next to her apartment. The neglect citation against Felix precluded her from working in home health care, which impacted her family's income and well-being during the 2-year period while her appeals were pending.

mental health and bullying

. . . children and youth who bully others over time are at higher risk for more intense anti-social behaviors like problems at school, substance use, and aggressive behavior. Parents should pay attention to warning signs that their child may be engaging in bullying behavior, like getting into physical or verbal fights or blaming others for their problems.

Poverty

If the parents do not have enough money to pay the bills, the sad truth is that children are not always the priority that they need to be. Not having enough money leads to the need to work more than one job which results in more time away from home and less time available to supervise children. Unsupervised children can make poor choices in how they spend their time.

emotional neglect

. . . also includes a parent's failure to properly connect with their kid and ignoring their child's development of self-esteem. A kid who has been emotionally ignored is subjected to stimulation neglect, and their parents put their emotional and neurological development at risk.

Parents with parental authority over a child can be held responsible for damage caused by the child. Damage is the harm a person suffers because of another person’s fault. The harm might be physical, psychological or material (damage to property).

Parents are held responsible because they have a duty to educate and supervise their minor children. So, if their minor child (a child under 18) causes harm to another person, the law says that the parents have not met their duty. The harm would not have occurred if the child had been properly supervised and educated.

In some cases, parents will not be held responsible for the damage caused by their children. They must convince the judge that they carried out their duty to educate and supervise their children properly.

Judges put a lot of emphasis on parents’ ability to predict their child’s actions. Some judges find that parents who ignore their child’s bad behavior are responsible. They think these parents should have made an extra effort to warn their children and take precautions.

To be held responsible for their actions, minors must be able to reason and tell the difference between right and wrong. Children are usually able to do this around age seven. But judges look at each case individually.

According to the California Department of Justice, there were 59,371 juveniles referred to probation in 2019, and the majority of those referrals were for misdemeanor crimes. Teenagers, as well as younger children, will experiment and rebel—sometimes in ways that conflict with the law. Their actions can have drastic consequences on not only their own lives, but their parents’ and legal guardians’ lives as well.

Low-income families — particularly single-parent ones — (are) targeted disproportionately. Poorer parents tend to work longer hours and have less time to look after their kids.

. . . if the courts determine that you reasonably should have known that your child was acting in a delinquent manner, or likely to act in a delinquent manner, and you failed to take any action to discipline your child or otherwise supervise or control them, you may be charged for the failure to exercise “reasonable care” or “control” over your child.

Some say that if parents are held responsible for their children’s actions, there is a better chance of the parents becoming actively involved in enforcing positive behavior. However, others believe that it is unfair to hold parents accountable for juvenile criminal activity in incidents that occurred when the child was not under parental supervision.

Based on the stage of their brain development, adolescents are more likely to:

act on impulse
misread or misinterpret social cues and emotions
get into accidents of all kinds
get involved in fights
engage in dangerous or risky behavior

Adolescents are less likely to:

think before they act
pause to consider the consequences of their actions
change their dangerous or inappropriate behaviors

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